If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
