I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize