stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
