I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
