You're my little dorito
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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