I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
