I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
