I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I did not marry a roomba.
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