If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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