Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
