I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
