You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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