the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
