I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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