I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
