Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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