now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
