if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
