Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
