i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
