im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
