have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
