very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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