do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
