A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
