I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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