Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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