You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
