Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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