I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
