i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
