I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The Olympian is in my bed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
