Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
