You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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