how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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