trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
