she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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