my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
