I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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