I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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