I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize