Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i will never coherently bang her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
