Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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