I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
