you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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