I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He shit in the fireplace
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
