Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
