yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
