why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
