the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
