theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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