I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
