I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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