Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
