The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
