She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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