if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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