Small penises have feelings too.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
