im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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