Small penises have feelings too.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
