So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
