What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
